Hey guys,
So as you know (or maybe you don't) I am currently a student teacher. In the months to come, I will be choosing a job. An actual job. Like, with a salary. This is seriously the coolest and scariest experience of my life so far. I have literally nothing tying me to any place in the world. Last semester, for a solid month, I was applying to jobs in Vermont. I was researching places to live, contacting principals, and communicating with members of the congregations. I was dead set on moving there for no reason other than the way it looks in the fall. I'm talking the most gorgeous fall you could imagine, and I hadn't even witnessed it myself. I saw it in pictures. My momma was not happy at all.
Over Christmas break I was determined to teach abroad. I've always wanted to live in London. I think I could really love it there.
Last month I sent in what seemed like millions of applications in the DFW area. I was definitely going to teach somewhere in that area.
Last week I started looking at the school my sisters attended. I noted that it's a fantastic school district, and my mom works there. If you had talked to me within about a five day period last week, I would have told you that was where I will be next year.
Last night, however, I started looking at the vast amount of options rather than setting my mind on just one. It was overwhelming. I'm talking panic attack, sweaty palms, dry heaving overwhelming.
It was simultaneously the worst and best reaction.
You see, I am a planner. I have daily plans, weekly plans, monthly, yearly, and life plans. I have them written down, typed, and memorized. I have had these plans since I was about six. I remember planning where I would go to college, how I wanted my dorm to look, and who I would take with me as a roommate. I was six years old y'all. That's how intensely my life is centered around planning.
I have no plans. I know I want to teach science. I know I want to teach middle school science. I have no idea where, what grade, or what size school I want to be in. I am bombarded by questions daily about my future, and I have perfected the lowly and pathetic, I seriously have no idea look. Honestly, I can receive pity from anyone with that look. But that is beside the point.
I have currently thrown out (literally) all my plans. Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, life...they are all gone. I have prayed diligently that the Lord will place me where I will be able to serve the best, and I put it all out of my mind. I have slowly been able to take the fear of the unknown and crush it leaving behind only hope and excitement of the unknown.
I am a 24 year old, soon to be college graduate, and I have no idea where my life is going to be in thw next six months. I applaud anyone age that has their life together. As for me, I am living in the unknown and am currently rocking it.
Sincerely,
Miss
