Kitchen Queen

I love to cook. I love trying new recipes and the pure science of throwing many ingredients together to create one yummy result. I have Pinterest boards dedicated to beautiful kitchens, savory food, and adorable desserts. The only problem is...I am a disaster in the kitchen.

I want so badly to be good at it. I am proficient at just about anything I try to do, but put me in the kitchen and it's bound to turn into a ridiculous story no one will forget.

I am incredibly independent and always have been. As a child, I liked to do things my own way and didn't want anyone tagging along. This included school work, puzzles, cleaning, and even playing. So, from a young age I felt I could handle the kitchen all by myself. I would cook when my parents weren't home. I wasn't necessarily allowed to, but I was certain of my abilities. One day, I decided to make mac and cheese on the stove top. I poured the water, turned on the gas stove, and proceeded to wait for the boiling to begin. It never even got to a boil before the pot blew up. I had chosen a porcelain bean pot to put directly on the fire produced by our gas stove. This is not an acceptable combination. Glass went flying and water pooled all over the stove and floor. That was when I was banned from using the stove top.

Not long after that incident, I decided to make mac and cheese again (this was my favorite food growing up). This time, however, I was using the microwave. I remember the event so clearly. We had a black microwave...until that day. I poured the noodles into the bowl and placed it into the microwave. If you have ever made mac in the microwave, or made mac at all, you know an essential ingredient is water. I forgot the water. As I watched the black smoke fill the kitchen, I realized I had made a terrible terrible mistake. I didn't realize, at the time that this was merely a preface to my cooking career.

When I got into college and was living in my first apartment, I began cooking more frequently. It never really got any better. One night I was boiling water to make rice, and I set the smoke alarm off. Literally just boiling water! How is that even possible? I burned water. 😂 A month or so ago, I was so excited because I was making brownies for my roommates and me. I mixed it all up, put it in the pan, and placed it in the oven. When I pulled them out of the oven, they smelled so good! At this point I was patting myself on the back for a job well done. That is, until I picked up my knife and tried to cut them. I'm talking rock solid. How? You may ask. I'm just blessed with the worst cooking skills ever. Just this week, I was attempting to make rice for dinner and spilled the whole bag over the counter. I was only trying to pour 1/4 a cup.

So, if you ever see me bring store bought food to a party or lunch, please know it's not a factor of laziness rather a courtesy to you. I don't want to endanger you with my kitchen creativity. You're welcome.

Sincerely,

Miss