INTJ Friendships

Howdy guys! If you know me in person, you may or may not know the INTJ me. If you've stuck around long enough to truly become my friend, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you believe me when I say I'm introverted, analytical, and a little (or a lot) anal, then you are probably someone I consider to be my friend and have had to witness me in all forms.

I have an extremely rare personality type for an American woman.

My personality is categorized as INTJ; broken down, this means introverted, intuitive, thinker, and judgmental. Of this type there are four sub types.The four types can be found here. The subtype to which I most closely identify is the diplomat. I am highly skilled at faking extroversion and hiding my true self when in the company of people unfamiliar with who I am. I have always shielded the world from who I am. Many times when I tell people I am introverted they think I'm teasing.

Introversion vs. extroversion simply defines how a person re-energizes. I gain my energy by being alone. I crave and require ample amounts of time alone to be able to function and conceal my INTJ personality while out and about. The less time alone, the worse my acting becomes. Thus, the reason my friends have seen all sides of me. The more time I spend with one person, the more I am not spending alone and end up showing my "INTJ crankiness".

My dearest friends and newest acquaintances have been with me while I was most energized and most relaxed. During this time, I am fun to be around. I'm silly, funny, and enjoyable. This is how most people see and know me. This is the "me" I have to be every day at my teaching job. I have learned, over the course of 24 years, what people consider acceptable and enjoyable and have adapted to that way of being. I still have my quirks, like needing proof before believing anything or having a huge mess on my desk but getting frustrated if anyone moves anything. Seriously, my desk looks like the Taz manian devil got angry and destroyed everything, but to me, everything is exactly where I know it is. So, don't touch my stuff! I also have a fixation on straight lines. Everything can be a mess, but I like things to line up with my desk. I like my mess to be on a grid. To be safe, just leave my stuff alone. But, you know, I'm still a bit of fun. My kiddos seem to like me...sometimes.

On the flip side of that, my friends have seen when I am depleted of energy and non-communicative. Because I have perfected the "acting right" mess, when this happens I shut down rather than blowing up on people. The smallest acts irritate me, and I do not want anyone to touch or talk to me.

This can last days or weeks if I'm not given time to replenish. During this time, I don't communicate with anyone unless forced. I don't text or call my friends. I don't leave my house without a life or death reason. I disappear.

Unfortunately, over the course of my life I have lost many friends because of this. Friendships are hard to maintain if one person disappears. As I've gotten older, I've realized this about myself and can monitor it a little better. I'm slowly getting better at damage control. However, my friends still suffer. I like to say I'm great at making friends but terrible at keeping them. I have many acquaintances, but few close friends. These are the people that have endured the depleted times and still love me. Few fit this description.

I know I am hard to be friends with. I will disappear and push you away so hard. I can ignore a person so hard they begin to question their own existence. Somehow, I have a few people that have decided to love me anyhow and wait me out until I'm "normal" again. This is something I will never understand. I will never understand why a person would endure my cranky butt just to get to the times when I'm out of my "mood". I'm glad they do. I don't express my love and appreciation for them enough.

So, dear friends, thank you. You da real MVP.

Sincerely,

Miss